Most people trying to win others to their way of thinking do too much talking about themselves. Let other people talk themselves first. They know more about their business and life that we do. So ask them questions and let them do most of the talking.
Sometimes when I disagree I have been tempted to interrupt, but have learned over the years to not. Most won’t pay attention to what I’m saying while they still have a lot of ideas or emotions that need expression. So listen patiently with an open mind and be sincere about it. Encourage them to express their ideas with as much detail as possible.
After 30 years and working with thousands of people, I have learned to give the first portion of any lengthy conversation if at all possible as a gift to my guest, be it friends, family or business. I find that in the first half of the conversation I learn many things and was later glad that I did not earlier give my opinion on, because I would not only been wrong but would have missed out on the deeper connection that I made with the person.
My grandfather was fond of saying, “God gave you two ears and one tongue, so listen twice as much as you talk and you will go far in life.” I have not always heeded those words but when I did they have paid off considerably much like the salesman with laryngitis.
This true story sums up the benefits of listening first before speaking or maybe don’t even speak at all.
One of the largest manufacturers in United States was negotiating for a year’s supply of a product to another major corporation. Over a dozen manufacturers had worked ups samples and displays. The executives of the purchasing company had inspected all the companies, the notice has been sent to each manufacturer saying that, on a certain day, a representative from each supplier would be given an opportunity to make a final presentation for the contract.
Mr. Williams, a company representative for one manufacture, arrived in town with a severe attack of laryngitis. When it came his turn to meet the executives in conference, Mr. Williams said that he had lost his voice and could hardly whisper. He was guided into a room and found him face-to-face with engineers, purchasing agent, director of sales and the President of the division of the company. Mr. Williams stood up and made a grand effort to speak, but couldn’t do anything more than squeak.
They were all seated around a table, so Mr. Williams wrote on a pad of paper: Folks I apologize but I have lost my voice I am speechless. I would be willing to reschedule our meeting if necessary.
The division President said, I have reviewed your product and know enough about it features so I’ll do all the talking for you and this will prevent us from having to reschedule our meeting. He exhibited the samples and praised the good points. A lively discussion arose about the merits of the product. And the division president, since he was talking he took a positive position during the discussion. Mr. Williams could only sit, smile, and nod a few gestures.
As a result of this unusual situation, Mr. Williams was awarded the contract, which was over $1 million––the biggest order he had ever received.
Mr. Williams said that he knew he would have lost the contract if he had not lost his voice, because he would’ve had the wrong ideas about the needs of the purchasing company. Through the presidents presentation of his product he realized how much more listening to the customer he needed to do than talk. He discovered, quite by accident how important it was to let the other person do most of the talking.
Another very similar story
A friend of mine who owns a technology company took the mindset with one potential client to “help make the buyers life easier” even if it did not mean a sale. He became a more empathetic listener and not only gave advice to the “buyer” but gave valuable solutions to their problems. He acted more like a part of the buyer’s team than a salesman. The end of the story---he converted the potential client into a customer. He has done this for the whole year and his sales are so great that he has had to hire many new employees to handle the business.
The greatest cry of the human heart is to be loved and appreciated! The singer Bruce Springsteen had it right, “Everybody’s got a hungry…”
Two ears, one mouth and a bunch of hungry hearts!
Be Life Giving!
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