My son
had a friend over one night, and they were discussing something about their
college literature class. He remembered a book we had that might help. I was in
my study in the middle of an online training when he knocked on the door.
Stopping the training, I got up to answer the door.
In the
midst of stopping the recording, I lost my place and would have to start over. It
was not the kind of program where I could skip forward to where I was when he
knocked, and it would take an entire hour to get back to where I stopped. I was
frustrated, to say the least, and it showed on my face.
“The
Look”
As my
son entered my study he saw "the look" on my face and was immediately
apologetic, even though he actually had nothing to do with it. It was my lack of tech savvy that caused me
to loose my place.
As I
gave him the book, I could see the pain of feeling like he had disappointed me
on his face. Unfortunately, it was
not the first time I had put that look there. I quickly tried to act like it
was no big deal, just to soothe his pain, but the damage was done. And I
realized I had done this way too many times over the years.
As
innocent as all this sounds, it was a big deal...to me.
I've
experienced the pain of disappointing those you love way too many times in my
life, and it hurts…a lot. Over time, that hurt turns into discouragement.
Discouragement is one of those overlooked "slow death" kind of
relationship killers. Once the numbness actually sets in, it slowly steals the
joy of relationships.
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what
you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou
Jack
Could Do Nothing Right
My
friend Jack knew this as much as anyone. Jack’s dad was an awesome athlete. He
was ranked in the men’s top 10 % tennis players in his state. Jack was not very
athletic. In fact, he was a terrible tennis player, much to his dad’s
disappointment. His dad was very critical of him on and off the court. Jack
once told me that he “could nothing right” in his dad or mom’s eyes. He often felt
like a failure, even though in his chosen field of business he was an
international success.
Jack
said their discouragement caused his heart to grow less affectionate towards
them over the years. It happened almost automatically without much effort until
he just about stopped thinking about his parents at all. For some reason, they
just didn’t show up on his "radar" anymore as someone who
"mattered" when it came to really important things, like birthdays,
anniversaries, holidays or major life decisions. "They kind of went away,”
Jack said. Without realizing it,
he had tuned his parents out. After Jack went to college he rarely returned
home. He was what he called a
“CEO” family member; meaning he would go home on Christmas and Easter Only. It
was many years later, after becoming a Christ follower, that he had a desire to
spend some time with his parents. He had already missed decades of time with
them that he could never get back.
God
Help Me To Change
Remembering
my friend Jack, I realized this was not the first time I had done this to one
of my family members. I knew the price it could cost my relationships if I did
not change. The very next day I took time to apologize to my son and let him know
how much I loved him.
I knew
I needed God's help to really change, so this did not continue to happen. This
became my prayer:
"Lord
help me to ‘Be Life Giving’ towards my wife and children...to always smile when
our eyes meet...to always greet them and their friends warmly and
welcoming...to have kind and gracious words, full of encouragement, that add
value to their lives…Father, this prayer is very important to me...thank you
for your help."
How
about you? Do you have a vague memory of someone who was once important to you?
Could you, too, be slowly fading from the memory of those you love because of
your critical nature? Don’t loose any more precious time. Pray the prayer above.
Reconnect with them. Do it today. And remember,
Be Life
Giving,
Alex
Anderson
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